Yep, I kept some of my older (better) Facebook status updates… I actually thought about making them into some kind of book… Then I realized that no one really cares what I have to say!
So here they are…
Facebook Status Updates
“The very essence of instinct is that it’s followed independently of reason.” -Charles Darwin
Tell me I can’t do it and I’ll try harder to prove you wrong. Tell me it’s impossible and I’ll make it my life’s work to stick it up your ass.
Never assume that we are in the same book let alone on the same page
“Don’t be so humble, you aren’t that great.” -Golda Meir
I could be all cute and just say “Bulging and painful” but let’s just get to the point… Arthritis SUCKS!
If I said someone was completely clueless and useless, would that be considered an insult or an observation?
I am me, take me or leave me as I am. I change for no one. I am the way I was and always will be. – Me
Innuendo is just one of those words…
I was much more tolerant of ignorant people when I smoked… Maybe I should light them on fire??
If we run in cycles, shouldn’t we get new pedals?
After their first kiss, Prince William leans down and whispers “they should see what I did to you last night…”
I know it’s unorthodox but I look at things with open eyes and an open mind.
Stupid people are too stupid to understand how stupid they are.
Irregardless, I could care less… It is what it is!
I’d like to go back to the day that I didn’t look better dressed.
The secret to Facebook popularity… Post about beer, wine or coffee.
You can’t because you won’t and you won’t because you can’t.
Anticipating the inevitable…
Swallowing your pride sure leaves a big lump in your throat.
Positive thinking… It’s easy to look up when you’re down.
“If I had just one wish
Only one demandI hope he’s not like meI hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open… ” -Creed
I got no time.
Tilting like a three legged pinball machine.
It doesn’t match, it goes…
Card dead and cheap chip tilted.
look at me now, all up in the inter-web
Positivity Emotes Nice Ideas to Showcase (think about it)
Always the underdog yet never the loser
Aren’t I supposed to be the one doing the poking?
I may not be perfect but I am me.
I wonder what would happen if I didn’t censor myself?!?
♫ “funny the way it is…” -Dave Matthews
Who thinks of this stuff??
Perfection is for people with very low standards.
Who gives the pep talks to the people that give the pep talks?
I’m such an influence… Good or bad is up to you.
I love it when a plan comes together.
It must be in the air…
Kid: Dad, what’s your favorite thing to do?
Me: Um (thinking of something G rated)… Eating.
Kid: Uh, ok. I meant something active.
“Long way to go and a short time to get there.”
Cereal, it’s whats for lunch.
If I have nothing witty to say, am I at my wits end?
Tall, light and sweet… I need me some!!
Ugh!!! I’m hot!!!!!
Wondering where to start? Try the beginning.
If you’re gonna do it, do it right
Why can’t every day be hump day???
A whole bunch of nothin…
I may not be perfect but I am me…
Lovin me some mama noodle…
I should get paid for this…
Why does the phone always seem to stop ringing when you get to it?
Wet and sloppy is NOT a good look for FL!
Coffee, tea or…??
I’ve been told I have a way with words… I wonder what else I can have my way with?!?
Staring down the barrel of a large DnD coffee.
I’m here but not…
“Pass the shugah…”
Awake and clean… What’s next?
Yes… I have an answer to everything.
I have a big fear… Of being eaten.
It’s so funny when a friend of a friend of a friend is friends with a friend…
Why do we play??
Looking for a witty retort.
If you can’t seem to get ahead, at least enjoy getting behind.
Yep, it’s Monday morning… Oh… Wait… (it was Tuesday)
Should I be sweet and sappy??
Very simple… Bend or break.
I’m NOT all that. But I am a little of this.
Why is that is seems like a better idea to look in the mirror in the dark??
I love getting mail that I file under, “yeah, hold your breath!”
Don’t you hate it when you post a status update and then think of of another one?
I’m status driven.
FYI – iPhones bounce… Twice.
Stupid is… Well… Stupid.
I don’t like waking up in the dark.
Have you ever poked a complete stranger?
I think amoebas have the right idea.
Enough is never enough until it’s too much.
Just call me cranky pants
Ever feel like no one is listening?
I just don’t have it in me
If I was half as good as I think I am, I’d be dangerous.
That’s Mr. BAD NEWS to you!
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
“Have you ever felt like you were running on a treadmill?”
Have you never heard the phrases “leave well enough alone” or “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”??
The power of positivity purposely proposes patience.
Tall, handsome, creative and witty… Two outa four ain’t bad!
I’m proud of everything I say and do, including when I’m wrong.
I say what I mean, mean what I say and do so whenever I feel the need.
There is a fine line between social networking and being a complete whore